I have been paralyzed for quite some time. How could I write something to help others, if I feel trap or stuck? I have created goals to help strengthen my family bonds, but sometimes I question if we are growing closer together. Simply put, I have been in a funk.
Yesterday night as my husband was probing me about what I was feeling, he could tell something was up, I decided to finally open up. In Confessions of an Adoptive Mom, I share how difficult it is that the bond with my babies is stronger and more natural than the bond with my older kids. This literally eats at me. Of course, some days are better than others. But what has really been eating at me is that the bonds with my older kids are suffering, because of something I need to work through on my own.
Isabel entered our home like a ray of sunshine. We instantly were smitten by her. When she entered our lives it was easy. Sure there were some outbursts, but nothing overly concerning or that we could not handle. Soon after her arrival, we learned she had a brother in a group home. I fought to get him into our home. Our agency thought it was not the best idea and the kid’s caseworker was not responsive, making it even more challenging. In total honesty, Bryce was in alliance with our agency. We both decided to move forward with the transition because we would have the summer together and thought keeping them together would be better for them. I had our summer planned. We would go to water parks, theme parks, and just have fun together that summer. The unknown was a complete curveball to our plans for growing our family. When we agreed to start transitioning Elijah, we did not know their bio mom was pregnant and had no idea I was pregnant myself. In hindsight having more time in between adding on another child, probably would have made things smoother. How could we have planned for the unknown?
The truth is you really can’t plan for the unknown. When I shared my feelings with Bryce, he gave me the best advice. He said you can not hold on to what could have been. The past is in the past and we can not change it. We need to focus on what we do now and what we can do to make our future better. The brilliant man that he is immediately got up grabbed a pen and paper and we began to make a list of things we can do now to help our family.
I am happy to say that I am now out of this funk that I dramatically thought I would stay in forever! Here are the tips I have to get yourself out of a funk if you ever find yourself needing to get out!
How to Get Yourself Out of a Funk
- Identify why you are in a funk –This can be tricky and actually took me awhile to figure out. Identifying it, helps you process it and can be the first step to getting it out of your system.
- Talk it out – Holding something in is unhealthy and toxic to your body. It can even leak into your relationships and cause strain. It was completely freeing to talk to my husband. Talking to my husband about my feelings actually brought us closer together. He even opened up on how he was feeling as well. In a sense, we got our elephant in the room out. Once we got it out, we could tackle it on. I have to mention that it is okay to talk it out with a professional. I fully plan on it as well. Isabel and I are in mommy and me therapy. Her therapist actually asked if we could meet alone, and I am jumping on that opportunity. Talking to my husband brought me out of my funk, but I know there are still some things I need to work through.
- Ask for help – It is okay to admit that we need help. We are not meant to carry burdens on our own! Luckily I live with family close by, and someone is always willing to come help!
- Write it out – Sometimes writing things out can bring about clarity about a situation. It is another great way to help you process what you are feeling. I have heard it said before that the best therapist is yourself and I believe writing it out can help you get to that point of where you can help yourself. A tip I have heard many times before, but recently heard from Truth Bomb Mom again is to write one thing a day that went well or that you are grateful for. I love the way Kristina Kuzmic explains it best in her video, so I attached it her explaining it here for you!
- Do not dwell on the past – Our past cannot be changed. Stay present. Be present. What can you do now to change or make things better? When I talked things out with Bryce, we decided to create and write out an action plan. This really helped me get out of my funk, and look forward to where we are and our future.
- Get plenty of Rest – Your mind can play some crazy tricks on you when you do not get plenty of sleep. I find that when I do not get optimal sleep, things tend to be exaggerated in my mind and I do not think as clearly.
- Eat Right – I have been surprised since meal planning the changes in health. I am more energized and productive. Bryce can always tell when I am hungry, based on my mood.
- Take things one step at a time – Do not run faster than you are able. You would not run a Triathlon without training or preparation first. This always brings me peace. Take time to look at the whole picture. When I reflect on how things were when the kids first came in, we have all made leaps and bounds of changes. Things are never usually as bad as they seem. Take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Things do not happen overnight and take time. I find myself telling myself this often.
- Exercise – When you exercise, your body releases endorphins. Elle Woods, from Legally Blonde, is quoted saying, ” Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.”
- Relax – Take a bath, do some yoga, and breathe some fresh air. Breathing is the key. When I am stressed, I hold my breath and my body feels tenser.
Anyway, I am so grateful for my loving husband who is always willing to listen to me and work through my worries and concerns. If you find yourself in a funk, get yourself out of it. Remember tomorrow will be a new day. Keep your head up and keep pressing onward. Life experiences are for our good. I truly believe we learn through our experiences.